I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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