He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
