that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
