well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
this just has baby written all over it
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I would fuck him just for his dog
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