I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
