Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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