so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
