the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
