I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
