and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
