Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
