We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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