I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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