Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
