If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
