i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
