Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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