I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
