You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
We smell like vodka and hangover
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