Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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