we made out on top of his cat.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
