dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
