i permit you to call me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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