Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
