You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
