I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
