youre lurking in front of me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
