I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
