i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
