So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize