I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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