WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
