i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
