Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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