nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
