It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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