I heard we made out
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
