dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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