Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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