I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
