i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
