in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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