I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
