I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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