Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
