Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
