Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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