All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
