Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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