I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
