I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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