I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
