Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
