Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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