so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
