I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
