sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
