I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Randomize