thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
