If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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