I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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