I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
