I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
