You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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