Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
