Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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