I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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