i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We left an ass print on the piano.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
