You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
