I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
