Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
